Chapter 11: Insecure

We are all capable of causing pain to ourselves and others. We often make that choice. Replicating our inner turmoil, we reflect it outwards. We choose to hurt in a twisted search of empathy. For some it could be a self-righteous thing or even a product of narcissism. But for most people it is an internal struggle that becomes an outwards cry for help. While hurt people hurt people, hurt people first hurt themselves and then become too insecure to connect to unconditional love.  

Insecurity forms when you run away from the pain that’s been caused. Whether it’s self-inflected or not, insecurity builds with the more time spent away from its source. Security is accountable and responsible. It has no choice but to apologize and fix itself if it has failed and wants to be trusted again. Instead of truly apologizing, an insecure person will do new things to fix their past without ever acknowledging it openly, no matter how guilty they feel; offering a fraudulent show of growth. All this does is intensify the ego’s response and add more depth to the invalidity you feel. Looking for the solution in your insecure mind will never yield the result you want. Simply because you are not only hiding from your insecurity, but you are also running from it.

You need to look for where you’re the problem. No one hurts more than a person who can’t see themselves as their actions. Often times a person highlights their intent as the determining factor of right or wrong, but how honest are you with your intention? If your intention is to respond, there is no accountability for what comes with the response. Therefore, if your response as an action is damaging or hurtful, it is true that you had no intent to cause harm. The issue is you had no intent not to cause harm. The failure to think before you act is your responsibility.

All people are emotional creatures but an insecure person is suppressing their emotions; becoming far more emotionally unstable. We do not show up how we believe we do when we are unstable. An unstable person is not thinking too deeply about their expression so much as their need to express. An insecure person is not a good listener. A good listener should hear everything not just the things they agree with. By making room for what you don’t see and accepting what you’ve yet to be faced with, a person can truly grow from what they hear. An insecure person is a victim of truth lying. As written in Chapter 4, suppressing what does not fit your narrative truth will not yield the results you want.

Insecure people are conditional lovers, having insecurity however is a normal part of life. It can show in small things but it is also where your forever fight lies. Your forever fight is the consistent non-changing battle you don’t quite solve but always find solace from. You shelter yourself for as long as the shelter can hold, then find another. Unconditional lovers may learn to humanize this fight and turn it to a neutral good but it truly remains a negative thing in each person. You should offer empathy to an insecure person because their fight is amplified to a point of true difficulty. But also remember to not let an insecure person’s projections lead you into your own insecurity. Misery loves company but misery wants to be free of itself. An insecure person is no different.

Therapy helps, but it is the person that must work. Their goal is getting rid of their built up maze-like system that brings them unceremoniously to their strong belief in one conclusion. An unconditional lover leaves things open ended; without one single meaning. The work never ends as the forever fight is persistent. But the beauty is that you’ll always have a hold on your insecurity. With that security you can offer a hand to those who need help with their own. That is a choice and it takes a strength that not many possess or care to embody. Your help will be pushed away and you will be made an enemy at times but the love you give will always remain in its authentic form. But whether it takes years for the person to see or you need to distance yourself from their journey, the seeds you had planted are ones that will say you were loved by me unconditionally.